I've been staring rather intently at my screen for the past few hours which I'm sure is doing terrible things to my eyesight. Was quite an emotional night, all told.

Ironically the thing that started it all was a question of whether to censor what goes into blogs. I've found myself in recent weeks having issues with posting days' events, simply because I now have real-life readers who care about what (or rather who) I am writing about. Complicated by the fact that some of these people don't get along with each other.

I'm almost 32, and have only recently learnt the value of keeping my mouth shut sometimes. It didn't help that for most of my life I was always the last one to find anything out, and so recently when I *haven't* been the last to know, I've assumed that I have been and gone blabbing, only to find out that I've upset people or spoken when I shouldn't - there's been a couple of cases at work in recent months. But I digress. While this blog was only about me I had no real issues saying whatever I wanted. But when friends are involved that read a blog, sometimes it is more appropriate to keep things private.

<incoherent ramble>
I'm in a little bit of a dilemma with stuff at the moment. Like how much to write. Suddenly it's not just me and my personal life, but someone else's. And my personal life was not very interesting before. But this is all somehow different. Like it's intensely personal. Previously I've ranted and raved about stuff, but I don't tend to express my feelings about stuff. Not with any depth. And this all feels so much more private in a way. And with half my family and all his best friends reading all this... And then there was the comment he made about being open on a public forum..

Anyways, I'm just a little confused/torn at the moment.
big *sigh*
</incoherent ramble>

I think the easiest/safest thing to do is just stick to the facts. And the mundane. Like the box full of Blackberries I picked up today :)

It's a memeing kind of a day today. I saw this at Karla's last week and have been meaning to do this one too.

1. Snuck out of the house? Nope. I have snuck back into the house a few times when I really didn't want the parents to know just how late I got home :)
2. Gotten lost in your city? Not lost, although sometimes frustrated at having to navigate and drive at the same time
3. Seen a shooting star? Yep, a few times
4. Been to any other countries besides Canada? Like Karla said, why Canada? I have actually been to Canada, as well as Australia (obviously), USA (three times) and New Zealand
5. Had a serious surgery? Nope
6. Gone out in public in your pajamas? Only on camps etc. This photo was taken at the Jindabyne sport and rec camp in 1987:
7. Kissed a stranger? No
8. Hugged a stranger? Yup
9. Been in a fist fight? No
10. Been arrested? No. And never been pulled over on the road for anything more than a random breath test
11. Laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose? Not anything that silly, although I have laughed til I've cried numerous times
12. Pushed all the buttons on an elevator? Nope
13. Swore at your parents? Yes, once, in America last year
14. Been in love? Several times
15. Been close to love? er, well yes
16. Been to a casino? Yup. The only one I've actually been inside and betted was Star City in Sydney. I was stunned by the number of security cameras in the ceiling of the place.
17. Been skydiving? Yep!!
18. Skinny dipped? No .. although there are plans.. ;)
19. Skipped school? No. Although I did get a note from my mum to take the afternoon off sport so I could come home and get ready for my year 10 formal. heh
20. Seen a therapist? Once. Pretty pointless exercise really.
21. Done the splits? Not since I was a baby (and who knows even then)
22. Played spin the bottle? No
23. Gotten stitches? Nope
24. Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour? yuk, nope (hasn't anyone ever seen Jackass, if you do that you throw it straight back up again)
25. Bitten someone? Maybe as a kid. Now only playfully.. ;)
26. Been to Niagara Falls? No, but it's on the todo list
27. Gotten the chicken pox? No. I've been vaccinated for it now so hopefully will never get it.
28. Kissed a member of the same sex? Not in any romantic sense
29. Crashed into a friend's car? *into* a friend's car, or crashed while *driving* a friend's car? Neither, anyway.
30. Been to Japan? No, but maybe one day
31. Ridden in a taxi? Yep
32. Been dumped? Nod.
33. Shoplifted? No. But I did steal a few sticks of chalk from school in kindergarden. Of course then I had to lie about where they came from. I felt so bad about that that I've never stolen or lied that directly ever since
34. Been fired? Nope.
35. Had a crush on someone of the same sex? No (but see my list of actresses I'd turn for)
36. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Hasn't everyone?
37. Gone on a blind date? No. I did however send two of my friends on a blind date, and they ended up getting married.
38. Lied to a friend? I don't think so
39. Had a crush on a teacher? Yep. First one would have been Mr Jirsa in year 7.
40. Celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans? Nope.
41. Slept with a co-worker? No. But does fondling count? :)
42. Seen someone die? No. And I think I've only ever seen one dead body (that wasn't in an anatomy museum)
43. Had a close friend die? No.
44. Been to Africa? No, but I'd like to go to Egypt one day. And maybe on a safari to see the wildlife.
45. Driven over 400 miles in one day? I personally haven't done the driving, but I've been involved in trips of that length many a time. I've done probably 300 miles myself on one day.
46. Been to Mexico? No
47. Been to India? No
48. Been on a plane? Yep, and loved it every single time
49. Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show? Yep. Saw it for the first time on video at a friends place in 1989. Saw it live in New York in 2000. Kicking myself that I never saw Striker in it in the Friday night midnight sessions when he was acting in it here :(
50. Thrown up in a bar? No. I've always made it home.
51. Purposely set a part of myself on fire? huh?? No.
52. Eaten sushi? Yep. Not a huge fan though.
53. Been skiing/snowboarding? Have been skiing. Love it.
54. Lost a child? In what sense? I haven't lost a child in any sense of the word lost.
55. Gone to college/university? Yep
56. Graduated college/university? Yep, with first class honours in human genetics, no less
57. Fired a gun? An air rifle, at a sport and rec camp
58. Purposely hurt yourself? Don't think so
59. Taken painkillers? Yep
60. Been intimate with someone of the same gender? No

I was tagged by Fiona ten days ago with this, and have only just now gotten around to doing it! (sorry!)

Name 5 things you miss about your childhood:

1. Big family holidays. We did quite a few cool holidays when I was a kid. The four best were the "flying" holidays - America in 1983, Western Australia in 1984, Central Australia in 1985, Lord Howe and Norfolk Islands in 1987
2. Good vision. When I was 12 I could read the smallest counter on the VCR from way across the other side of the room. My eyesight started deteriorating after that.
3. Ability to sleep anywhere. I had no trouble sleeping on the plane to America in 1983. No such luck these days.
4. Nicky Vasek. My best friend in year 7. Haven't seen her since 1986. She's sent me some emails after reading this blog, but has disappeared into obscurity again when I asked if we could meet up :(
5. Bluey. My budgie for three years. The only one we had that actually talked.

Gosh, that was harder than I thought it would be. I realised there's not a whole lot from my childhood that I actually miss. Being extremelly shy and introverted I had few friends. There was no internet. I wasn't good at anything in particular, especially not anything that required coordination. I was good at school work, but nobody appreciated that except my parents (and my teachers I guess)

This meme was a tag your friends meme, but as I said in a previous post, I don't *do* that ;)

So it seems I've been tagged by Delmer:

List five things you enjoy, even when no one around you wants to go out and play. What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level? Make a list, post it to your journal, and then tag five friends and ask them to post it to theirs:

1. Watching DVDs. I have a steadily growing collection, but due to the amount of tv I watch, I really only get to sit down and watch one on Friday nights.
2. Tinkering on the internet. I feel utterly lost if I'm at home and the computer isn't on. I can't actually account for all the time that I spend online, it just disappears out there on the ether.
3. Playing with lego. Buying, cataloging, building, enjoying, selling. Using ebay for evil.
4. Reading a good book. I'm not a huge reader, but when I get into a book, I'll read it to the exclusion of almost all else.
5. Watching tv. I definitely watch far too much tv.

It seems to be the trend with memes these days to tag people you know to do them. Now the issue I have with this is that a decent chunk of the people whose blogs I read **all read each others blogs** !! Dave, Ben, Delmer, Gary, Neil, Karla, Richard, Dennis are all interconnected in at least one direction. Mushroom and Fiona also. If this trend in tagging continues, it's going to be a problem to tag people, because they will have probably already been tagged! Argh!! So on that note, I'm not going to play the tagging game. If I get tagged I'll happily do the meme (I'm always up for a good meme, and Fiona, I promise I'll do yours next!), but it's just going to be too complicated for me to find people that haven't already been tagged yet ;)

My body had an immune reaction today. You know how when you feel like you just need to move slowly, and everything is a bit of a daze, and you're just cruising along feeling that things aren't quite right in the world. It's a strange feeling. But actually I felt quite peaceful, not too excitable and not too upsettable.

So that was me this morning. Some effects for the remainder of the afternoon and even now a little. I'm not sure who won yet, my body or whatever virus it was fighting. I'm hoping I did. We shall see.

This evening we went out for my mummy's birthday dinner. Dave and Yvonne and two pairs of the parents friends came along. Was all pleasant enough. Then did a Bunnings run and came home.

When I got home I took some shots of the moon with Jupiter, but thoroughly annoyed at myself for not taking a shot of them at 5:30, when they were right next to each other and would have made for a much more interesting photo.

oh well. what can you do. sleep.

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
      - Alanis Morissette

Or so the song goes. I thought about this entry on the way back from Queensland (when you're in the car for hours on end with nothing better to do). I thought of the first few things but hadn't thought too much about it since then.

Now as I procrastinate over doing USA pictures, I thought I'd put this together. No particular order (although the earlier ones are probably more important).

I saw this on G'Day Mate the other week and have been meaning to steal it and post it...

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is “UP.”

It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special. And this UP is confusing:

A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth.

When it doesn’t rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so………….

Time to shut UP…..!

Oh… one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U P

So my day started with someone commenting on my 100 things list about how lucky I am that I know what I want in life (although I'm not sure how he got that idea).

It descended dramatically when I had to buy petrol this morning. The local Mobil was 115.9c/L, yet across the road it was 108.9c/L. The problem is, to get across to the other side of the road takes a good ten minutes as it requires getting through the same intersection twice against peak hour flow. After having to stop at the same set of lights three times I decided to bite the bullet, put $5 in at the Mobil and get more after work. I'm not sure which works better as a protest, not buying anything, or buying just enough to give them the message that I don't want to buy from them.

Then Marc sent this link round the staff list. You put your income in and it tells you where you rank in the grand scheme of things.

(big chunk of post removed, the thoughts had no socio-economic basis in reality)

I know damned well that I have it good in Australia. Every so often I have to convince myself that I do actually have friends, even though it doesn't feel like it sometimes. I probably have more money that most people I know. I know that complaining about the price of petrol between different petrol stations, and the ten minutes extra out of my life it takes to get a discount is among the shallowest things you can do.

I would simply like the ability to appreciate the good things and not get stressed out by trivialities.

So yeah just your average day. Dumped two of my best friends after the ultimate rejection. Had to race into work tonight after a couple of servers got confused. The servers are better but my heart's not. I'm all for jumping.. does anyone have any other suggestions?