Kazza the Blank One

* You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn. 

* You think it's normal to have a leader called Julia. 

* You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden. 

* You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds. 

* You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'. 

* You believe the 'l' in the word 'Australia' is optional. 

* You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.' 

* You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep. 

* You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'. 

* You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place. 

* You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife. 

* You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin. 

* You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'. 

* You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread. You've also squeezed it through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms. 

* You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis. 

* Beetroot with your Hamburger... Of course. 

* You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again' 

And "Living next door to Alice". 

* You believe that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year. 

* You wear ugg boots outside the house. 

* You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off for a pittance. 

* You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them. 

* Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language. 

* You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude,

While 'scuse me' is always polite. 

* You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose. 

* You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle and a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron. 

* Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket. 

* You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'. 

* You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'. 

* When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer. 

* You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in -o: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto, goodo etc. 

* You know that there is a universal place called "woop woop" located in the middle of nowhere...no matter where you actually are. 

* You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like piss. But we let the world think we do. Because we can. 

* You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume. 

* You've only ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet 

- to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you really mean it. 

* You know that the barbecue is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the Salad. 

* You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not. 

* You understand what no wucking furries means. 

* You've drank your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam. 

* You own a Bond's chesty. In several different colours. 

* You know that some people pronounce Australia like "Straya" and that's ok. 

* And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.

Happy invasion day ..