$#!+ My Dad Says

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Before Dad died I started collating a list of silly things my Dad used to say.  There turned out to be quite a lot.  And I'm sure I've missed heaps.

As mentioned yesterday, there were a few random song snippets, such as "they're coming to take me away hey hey" and "beep beep, beep beep, his horn went beep beep burp".  Somewhat relatedly he'd sing "Sunday driving, Sunday driving" when we were out and about on a Sunday.  If we saw a delapidated building in our travels, the parents had a running joke that it was a "prospective youth hostel".  

When someone did something wrong, he'd say "nooo that's not it, try it again", as per Yosemite Sam.  Actually my brother and I changed the default error beep to that wav file many years ago on the parents' computer, and we had months of laughs because they couldn't figure out how to change it :)

When anyone offered him tea or coffee he'd say "I don't drink, don't smoke, don't drink tea or coffee, don't go around with naughty women".  This was appended in later years with "because I don't know any".  Actually this is why he thought it was so unfair that he had a brain tumour, as he didn't use a mobile phone either.  Still, he'd also say to people "I'll have a vodka and orange. Hold the orange" and at other times "Hello officer, I'm not under the affluence of incahol" in a slurred voice.

Regarding physics, he'd say things like "It's only the lack of heat that makes it cold", "It's only the weight of it that makes it heavy" and "It's not the fall that kills you it's the sudden stop at the bottom".

He could be quite negative (actually that's another story entirely).  But with Mum there'd be such things as "I earn the money, she spends it", "Whatever you say dear", "Yes boss" and "I'm always wrong".

With us there was the whole "Seven eights!!" thing that haunted David around Western Australia in 1984.  David was in primary school and learning his times tables, so on the holiday Dad would call out random times tables for David to give the answer to.  Except he kept tripping up on seven eights.  So Dad did it over and over again getting quite angry with David about it.  Mum said Dad changed on that trip.  He had issues with his camera and basically became a lot more negative and grumpy about things from that point on.  Mum thought he had a mid life crisis at that point.  He'd get annoyed at us for "drop" or leaving things around the house, but actually he was probably the worst offender.  And if we ever happened to burp at the table he'd say "oink".  To which after 1995 I'd respond "la la laaaa" :)

He'd get very frustrated with "yellow lights!" even more so than red ones, and also "Sunday drivers".  If a someone was heard shouting or speaking loudly, he'd say something like "We heard you the first time" or "ahhhh shaddap".  And if someone was incompetant they "couldn't organise single track working on a single length of N gauge".

He loved cockatoos, and the family had one when he was growing up.  So there was always "Scratch cocky" and "Hello cocky" and "G'bye! G'bye!" in screechy voices.  The doves he used to feed were "girls" because they were birds, so it'd be "hello girls" when they came down.

He liked cats, and whenever he saw one he'd say "I tawt I taw a putty tat", or simply a realistic meow (actually he'd meow at pretty random times too).

He loved cheese.  Or "ratfink".  And if anyone ever said "say cheese" for a photo, he'd say "Coon", his favourite cheese.

Whenever he got home and wanted to get changed he'd say "I'm going to take me pants off".  I use that a lot myself now too.

Many every day objects got different names.
"Soviet" was a meat pie - soviet spy in rhyming slang
"Serve you right" was a serviette.  I use this all the time, which confuses people sometimes.
Police were sometimes pronounced "poh-lice", or just "the fuzz"
"Screaming ice" was ice cream
"Gobbies" was his word for potato scallops
"Jackie" was a kookaburra
"Franks" meant thanks
"Probabully" was probably
"Grey shirts" were the train ticket inspectors.  He had an irrational thing against authority and beaurocracy.
"Woofit" meant "what's for tea?"
"Crick" was creek
"Rake" was a lake
"Crouds" were clouds
"Riv-her" was river
"Hurro" was hello
"Martian bastard" was a Mars Bar
"Chew and spew" was McDonalds
"Chif and phips" was fish and chips

And there was plenty of other random $#!+ .. :)

"Pong!" - obviously a response to ping!
"We want a funny story from" - sometimes said at random at the dinner table
"Growl, grumble and gripe, da dum da dum da dum" - the da dum bit might have been appended by my brother, can't remember
"Around the corner and into the straight comes beetle bomb" - or BDL Bomb, after the number plate of their old car
"Screech crunch tinkle tinkle" was a car accident
"Sparkle-arkle-arkling" usually referred to fizzy drinks
"Arc arc arc" or "stone the crows" whenever crows were around
"Die quietly" if someone was coughing loudly
"No bull" for no kidding
"Me three" instead of me too (I use this too)
"Me think that 'mazing" if something was good
"Bless me" if he sneezed
"Oh girl. You can't say oh boy, that's sexist".  

When my friend Luc first met my parents he said to me later "I can understand you better having met your parents".  Maybe anyone that's just read through the above list of words and phrases will see what a crazy Dad I had and understand how I came to be so completely silly :)


David said:

"We wsnt a funny story from" came from the Central Australia holiday, and it was something Carl had at the start of dinner. Everyone would bang their cutlery on the table and chant "We want a funny story from" and add somebody's name.

February 21, 2014 11:25 AM


Dave2 said:

I'm still in shock he let some guy you met on the internet take you out to dinner when you were in my neck of the woods! How you convinced him I wasn't a serial killer still amazes me.

February 24, 2014 4:05 AM


Kazza the Blank One said:

The other thing that came from the Central Australia trip was "lift and separate". Which was taken from an ad for bras in the 80s but was used on the trip for when you needed to increase the campfire circle for other people to join in.

D2: yeah the parents have always been good about that sort of thing with me. Although at the time they didn't know about my blog, which made it kinda difficult for me to explain how I knew you :)

February 25, 2014 7:48 AM


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Kazza's "Boring Life Of a Geek" aka BLOG

IT geek, originally from Sydney, moved to Canberra in 2007. Married to "the sweetie", aka Stu. Prolific photographer, Lego junkie and tropical fish keeper.

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