Had a Christmas party today with a bunch of people that I haven't been together with in probably at least 3 years. It was this core of people that mostly used to live locally and go to the same church. Since then it's diverged somewhat, and 10 (!) offspring have been added. The reason I haven't seen several of them much in the past few years was because of something that happened when I was going through some pretty deep depression a few years ago, and two of them rejected me at the time and made me feel even lower, if that were possible. As I've said in previous entries, I have trouble with forgiveness. But I decided I would at least try, and so went along to this Christmas party, which is the first time I've been in the same place with the two of them since that time. So it was all good, I was civil, and even friendly, and basically relaxed (and a beer or two certainly didn't hurt either). Then towards the end of the party one of the girls says to me "I'd like to compliment you - you are happy and friendly blah blah blah". To which I said, well what are you comparing it to, we haven't seen each other more than twice in three years. And she's going well yes you're more happy. Ok so everything I've been trying to forget all comes back to me, and it's like, well if I wasn't happy in your presence before, it was *because* of you and the hurt you caused me. But of course I couldn't say any of that cause I'm too chicken. So I ended up grumpy and pensive after all. *sigh* I should definately have said something.
The night finished off with some of the boys playing xbox, which I was invited to play, but I had absolutely no idea about the game so gave up and left; and then to top off the night the flipping eway toll tag thingie didn't bleep cause the sticky tape died in the heat today and it fell off and I just had the thing on the dashboard. So now I have to chase that up on Monday. Just what I really didn't need.
Dennis
You know what? I *hate* those people that presume to make assumptions about you after having seen you for about half a minute, just because they remember you differently. People are all the time saying to me, "Have you lost weight?" Well, if I have, it wasn't because I meant to, which leaves me thinking, "Gosh--if she thinks I look noteably thinner now, she must have really had a mental image of me as a cow... No wonder she wouldn't go out with me when I called." And then (probably as a result from some legitimate mental health problem I have but don't know I have), my mind begins to dwell on this unsettling realization until I'm just miserable. Perhaps we should both seek therapy? *grin*
paul
I had a similar response from some people when I was ill. Some people are not able of understanding what it's like to be going through something like that, until it happens to them or a member of their family.. and I don't wish that on anyone. I don't have much to do them now either. One day perhaps, but not now.
kazza
mmm therapy, now there's a thought ;)